Beauty, emotions, spiritual growth

It has come to my attention that some women equate emotional arousal with romantic arousal. It is stated this way, unless a man evokes an emotional response in her, he will not be seen as a potential romantic character in her world. In fact, as often repeated phrase for leaving a man is that there was no longer any emotional connection. So it seems clearly important to women. This seems as shallow as men who say unless she evokes an sexual arousal in him through beauty, she will not be seen as a sexual partner. Men are reported to leave their partners for younger versions due to the issues of visual beauty. Time and time again online dating profiles mention the desire for "chemistry."

Women want men to look beyond their beauty. And that's a good message. Some women, quite possibly many women, desire an internal emotional reaction to their man. And that unless they have it they feel there is something missing sand justifies leaving the relationship. I have a question on both sides. Is a man's insistence on beauty for attraction representative of an an internal spiritual lack? Is the woman's insistence on emotional impact for attraction equally representative of an internal spiritual lack? Can these voids be filled from with in? Is there a step in our spiritual growth (both men and women) when we no longer require nor see these as the main (or first) determinants of attraction?

I know from personal experience I am not interested in sustaining a romantic partnership without also having a good friendship. It is so important to me, that I do not cold date women. I want to know if I like then first before I ask then out. But I am still at a point where I only want to make friends with someone I have some level of attraction to. I do not really care if we ever become romantic partners or not. But to some degree attraction is running my world. This attraction can be beauty but it can also be energy, kindness, intelligence, ability to engage in deep conversations. All of these have served at attractors to want to be make and be friends with a lady.

Conscious Relationships

Dear Conscious women,

The nurturing problem

If you want true partnership this maybe hard for you to hear.  There are not many men who are open to self improvement.  And your desire to help them change is not being met with with an internal desire to match you vision for them. 

These strong nurturing feeling you have to heal others is not to be suppressed and are to be used.  BUT special care must be taken when using then with men.  Men are not women.  I will not tell you how to approach women.

Thinking you can nag men into behaving, improving, wanting what you want for them,.... does not work.  Men have an internal point of reference for their actions.  Yes, that's why, many times if you can only get him to think it is his idea he will do it. Still that is manipulation and he will eventually see through that and resent you for it.  

Consider that by not letting him find his own way you are stealing his chances to grow-up, to evolve, to change, to learn on his own.  By not letting him do his learning he will never become the man you are looking for.  A partnership.  Lasting change must come from with in.  Change imposed from the outside, in any form, loses the power of being source from the inside.  Sure you can invoke change by imposing external circumstances but when you remove them and their is no guarantee they will continue unless they have been matched with changes internally.  I'm talking about conviction.  If a man has internal conviction he will act in alignment with that conviction.

How does one get a man to change?  How can you get a man to want to change?  You don't.  Well if you believe in free will as your highest principle then

The Shadow Work Problem

There us this thing called shadow work.  It consists of becoming aware and healing your not so pleasant part of you.  If you want to be met equally, if you want partnership, doing your healing is critical.  Focus on spirituality and loving positive thoughts is fine.  Yet it is only one part of spirituality.  Progress requires finding the darker, the imperfections, the traumas, the energy blockages and healing them.

You can only build a building so high by focusing on adding to the top floors and reaching the sky when there are foundation cracks.

Restricting a man's freedom to get your security.

Not asking for consent or permission before changing

Trying to improve men.

Thinking your wild women energy does not need to be balanced or contained.

Not healing your own self before trying to heal others.

Believing you know what is best for another person.