surrender

There is a hidden arch of spiritual learning that has been consistent in my life.

The learning of surrender.
co-learning of valuing being a well as doing

My childhood was blessed with an extremely smart and controlling father. (At least 4 college degrees and enough academic credits for 4 more,... combined with growing up during the depression)  I'm not complaining but explaining how there was no choice for me as a child but to surrender to the brilliance of my father.  He was right.  Following him lead to good outcomes for the family.

My elder brothers did not surrender and it led to great disharmony.  Something I was unwilling to do. I valued peace and harmony more than doing it my way.  My brothers did not.

While I learned to surrender in the work place to authority.  When ever I could I still did it my way.

Where I failed the most, was in my own relationships.  I had not learned to compromise, say it was good enough or promote win win situations.

It took my stroke, to teach me greater surrender.  This deeper learning of surrender did finally translate into my relationships.  Learning when to surrender versus when to do it my way. Im not saying i was perfect and have mastered it.  But I was so much greatly improved it sometimes seemed so.

Strong Women Make the sME MISTAKES AS STRONG MEN

There is nothing wrong with being a strong women but it can have some consequences in your relationships.

Not making room for another in your life.

Sometime literally, like encouraging your man to throw out/get rid of his stuff because it does not match your sense of beauty.  This is a failure to accept the other person as they are.  This can translate I'm reject some of your stuff thus I'm rejecting part of you.  Men to this to, not appreciating her stuff because it is not functional? efficient? in some way not measuring up to his standards.

Wanting it to be all your way.

A variation of the first. Compromise, good enough, and win win are all examples of different ways to accomplish togetherness without driving the other away.

Micro managing rather micro goal setting.

Telling the other exactly this happens because it is way easier to tell someone to do it like you do it than to figure out what are the absolutely essential goals versus merely important goals.

Choosing Work over partner too many times.

If you are regularly choosing work over your partner then you are communicating what is most important to you.  Sure work makes life go around because of the money and thus security it provides.  And you have to work.  But if you keep making that choice over and over it cam undermine the connection between you.

These are the same mistakes strong men make.