Finding the living boundary between freedom and security

living between freedom and security

Women measure men by his heart.  But maybe they should be measuring men by the quality of his logical choices.  To measure him by his heart is to expect him to be like her.

Men measure women by her head.  But maybe they should be measuring women by the quality of her emotional choices. To measure her by her head is to expect her to be like him.

Women feel betrayed when men seek freedom.

Yet freedom feeds men's energy.

Men think they are unloved when women share their love with another.

Yet sharing love feeds women's energy.

Both seek freedom from their restrictions.

managing our core needs is important.

All this leads me to.....

Men's freedom that leads to abandonment does not a healthy relationship make.

Women's love sharing that leads to broken verbal promises does not a healthy relationship make.

Can we then say....

Men seek freedom from their burden of not being able to express wanderlust and adventure.

Women seek freedom from their burden of not being able to express love.

When security is placed as a more important quality than adventure men feel restricted.

When adventure is placed as a more important quality than security women feel insecure.

Be careful to not always placed such rigid rules on the boundaries between freedom and security.  

Thus I'm thinking that...

our ability to manage balance security & restriction is emotional maturity. If you can learn to find in each moment of now the ever changing and healthy boundary between freedom and security you are living an emotionally more mature and aware life.

When we maintain these ideas of relationships as fixed entities and fix rules.  They then become the traps of growth.  How do we create relationships models that are allowed to change?  How do we create relationship expectations that foster personal growth?  How do we create space for each person to change not just year to year but day to day?

by ....

1) allowing the boundaries between our needs and attractions to be discovered new daily

2) by learning to discern what needs and attractions are pulling us

3) by learning to discern what needs and attractions are healthy for us and our partner.

4) by not generalizing popular gender memes into our partnerships.

5) by educating ourselves to the landscape of relationship topics needing to be addressed. 

6-10) by involving ourselves in personal growth (6 mental/7 spiritual/8 emotional/ 9 psychological/ 10 financial).

Bonus guides

10) by standing for freewill in our partners

11) by being responsible for our own self-care

12) by balancing our own self-care with that of others.

==========Extended commentary===========

Here is an example of my own mother and father playing out the scenario above.

While my father was dedicated to mom and did everything to ensure their healthy life. Mom tried every thing she could to get dad to stop cutting down trees on the property because she was afraid something would happen to him while using the chainsaw.  This is her love imposing a restriction on his freedom. regardless of the validity of her logic she was communicating a restriction on his freedom.

There were plenty of logical justified reasons for why h should not be doing this anymore.  And there were plenty of logical justified reasons for him to continue.  But at the core, this part of a loving adventure became my father’s restriction due to my mom’s insecurity.  Dad eventually did stop but by then he only had 1-2 years left in his life.   As their son, living with them I could see both sides.  And fault neither!

Dad loved being in nature and caring for his property.  Mom was dependent on dad and never developed life skills to live without him.  These two things collided to create this dynamic of gender conflict.

I did not fault my father for ignoring mothers wishes. I could not fault my mother for worrying so.  Neither was going to change.  Mother could no more change her emotions than my father could change is need to be physical and be doing something.  This example showed me just how many different ways the boundary of freedom and security manifest as conflict between genders because we ARE different.

====feedback====

A female friend was amazed that love was not seen as an adventure for the masculine.

My reply was Love is definitely an adventure as an emotional journey.  And the feminine seems to like that while what the Masculine often desires is a physical adventure.  And the masculine does not find the emotional adventures interesting.  

======important parting thoughts======
Think about how many men like action adventure movies that feature physical danger while so many women like movies with an emotional romantic story.

I am definitely generalizing. Over generalization is a danger to all relationships.  If you can not see and relate to your parter as a unique individual first, generalizations are not going to help.  However, generalizations are helpful when we are first learning a new viewpoint and awareness.  But once you get enough experience you MUST abandon your generalizations.